Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat Jan 12 2013

12:55 PM #
Decided to hold off on cashin' in any Ok Cupes action this weekend. Sorry to ice your passions, babes, I gotta watch football. Guy code.

12:59 PM #
Chest beefers are available 365, but the NFL playoffs are only for a limited time. And, all the time, can't be carnal time, you guys.

01:19 PM #
Dave keeps doin' the "discount double check" and screamin' "Rahgizz!" Ha! Just kills me.

01:20 PM #
"RAHGIZZ! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK, YOU GUYS!" Man, so classic.

01:22 PM #
RAHHJIZZZ!!!!

01:49 PM #
Dave just said, "New Die Hard comes out on V-Day!? See, that's why I'm not gettin' locked down with some tail." No Dave, that's not why.

01:51 PM #
Dave's a pal, but walkin' 'round in smelly sweats with your shirt off doin' the "discount double check" doesn't scream,"come hither, babes."

01:54 PM #
If you want babes to crave your touch, at least take a sec to make sure your grey sweats don't have pee pee stains, you guys.

02:00 PM #
Fashion Tip: I'm no stranger to pee pee stains. That's why I try to show some class and avoid khakis or grey sweats. Learned that in GQ.

02:20 PM #
GQ Fashion Tip: If there's a chance of havin' a blackout pee pants situaish, wear your DARK denim shorts. Keeps your pee stain, hush hush.

02:24 PM #
Just saw a Miller Lite ad where two corncobs have a sock race to see who pays the bill. Shoulda just had a smoochin' contest. Jeez.

02:27 PM #
Miller Lite is a fine domesto for nursin' when you feel like crap in the AM. But that's it, 'less you got time to drink 3 cases.

02:30 PM #
Miller Lite needs to make ads where some guys feel like hot death on a Sunday so they have to sip Lites to not die. It's what they're for.

02:34 PM #
Know who drinks Miller Lite botts at a bar? Guys who have fancy sock races to see who pays the bill. Guess that commersh makes sense?

02:37 PM #
Dave just came outta the john. BIGASS pee stain on his sweats. That's what I'm talkin' about. Must not shake his peener. Might have a talk.

02:42 PM #
Thing about Miller Lite is, it won't get you bombed, but it will get you re-drunk. It's a breakfast cold one, plain and simple.

02:46 PM #
If I'm outta 'pagne, I like to start up a Sunday with a "Quatro Pedia-Lite." 4 Millers & a Pedialyte always gets you squared and on point.

03:08 PM #
GQ Fashion Tip: After a hot leaker, focus on really shakin' your peener 'til the squirt dribblins stop flyin' out your guy hole.

03:33 PM #
Well, Dave is crashed out on the floor. Drank a whole bott of 'Cardi. Pee stain on his sweats looks a little bigger too. Kinda concerning.

03:35 PM #
Gonna do some cruisin' on Ok Cupes tonight. Keep it chillin'. Wonder if Rachel Nichols is on there? Might have to say what's up, you guys.