Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat Feb 16 2013

12:00 PM #
Dave's been hangin' out with that nighttime babe from his coffee date since 'Tines Day. Hasn't left the pad except for grub. Sick of this.

12:07 PM #
Can't turn a nighttime babe into a daytime babe. Sure, you could keep boozin' and your shades on 24/7, but that don't make you Motley Crue.

12:18 PM #
Dave's new gal's name is Sue. Guess the name "Pig Trough" was already taken. Ha!

12:22 PM #
I didn't get any carnal passions goin' on 'Tines Day, but that's 'cause I blacked out in my ride listenin' to Seger. It's noble.

12:25 PM #
Best I blacked out in my car on 'Tines Day anyway. If I'da been there at last call, every babe in the place woulda needed some Karl.

12:36 PM #
When I'm on point in a casual drinking establishment, it's not even fair to other corncobs tryin' to cruise on babes. My rap is red hot.

12:37 PM #
Heard Dave & Sue gettin' hot 'n heavy last night. Yuck. Sue was sayin', "Oh David!" David? Your name's "Dave." You're not some millionaire.

12:43 PM #
No way Dave knows what he's doin' with a babe anyway. Probably just pokin' around like she's a pay phone that ate his change.

12:52 PM #
When it comes to babes, you gotta be strong with a soft touch. Feelin' safe and protected, yet free to leave if there's a fire or somethin'.

12:56 PM #
When I'm with a babe It's like she's buckled in a Camaro, I'm drivin' pedal to the medal with a shotgun, but Lionel Richie is on. So safe.