Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Apr 16 2013

10:35 AM #
RIP Pat Summerall. Another sad day for the USA, you guys.

03:46 PM #
Been crashin' with Ann & the kids while she "figures stuff out." Think she might still crave my touch after our closed lip make out.

03:47 PM #
Ann has one rule, I have to stay in the basement when the kids are home. It's chill, like my own pad!

03:49 PM #
When you been livin' in your car, secret sleepin' in an unfinished basement is a luxury situaish, yet still rugged, like Man V. Wild.

03:52 PM #
When your hidin' in a basement with no john, goin' #2 is your #1 problem. But for a whizz, the dehumidifier works just fine.

03:57 PM #
Hard to see down here. Only got a light in one room. Crushed my guy sack on my son's old bike last night. Other than that, it's a man cave.

04:00 PM #
Everyone's in bed upstairs. Might have to sneak a little snack. Maybe watch some tube on mute? Really sink my backdoor in the sofa. Mmmm.

04:03 PM #
Screw it. Goin' upstairs. Might make a stinky too. Snack + stinky + couch + tube = primo satisfaction on my backdoor action.

04:04 PM #
It's been a long week for the USA. Every Real American deserves to breathe, take a long quiet dump, and eat some Lunchables, you guys.

04:35 PM #
Might have to do up the basement again, bad boy style. Used to be nice. Ann said a pipe burst and all the plumbing and crap got torn out.

04:36 PM #
Pipe burst. Ha! Man. Just some guy humor.

04:38 PM #
All a real man needs for a chill spot is mirror of ANY domesto brand, a cooler, and a toilet. After that, it's just added features.

04:39 PM #
Might ask Ann about makin' the basement, "The Captain's Cave." Maybe even let the kids know it's my chill spot if they wanna stop by.

04:41 PM #
When your kids have to ask to see you, or you won't see them at all, you know any time spent together is quality, and so special, you guys.