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DadBoner - Tue May 07 2013

06:14 PM #
Been layin' low. Had some not so smooth incidents at "The Welcome Back Captain Karl & Cinco Bash" for the fam. Livin' in the basement again.

06:21 PM #
The Cinco was supposed to be a celebraish of bold Mexi flavors as well as ol' Karl bein' back in mi familio's lives. Turned out muy Stinko.

06:30 PM #
The bash was on point: mucho guac con bacon, my fresh Pico Fuego, brats, chips, EVERYTHING. Even got a pic of me from the old days blown up.

06:35 PM #
Want respect? Get a pic of yourself blown up and put it on an easel at an event. No one'll ask "why." They'll just know, you're the man.

06:42 PM #
I got my spread on point, and was gonna gather the fam 'round. Was loose and conversational to perfection with 4 margs worth of sincerity.

06:48 PM #
Crazy Cooter cruised up. Looked ripe and nasty like he'd been hittin' the Cinco sauce to forget a death in the familio.

06:52 PM #
Coot started screamin' 'bout his "Penthouse Letter" and "how I promised that motherf*cker would be in the mag" and "where was his money!?"

06:53 PM #
Ann came out to see what the commotion was and Coot used his bad language to explain how I was big into "f*ck stories" for Penthouse.

06:56 PM #
Coot told Ann how I was sellin' my own eroticisms to Penthouse for cash and how I owed him bread for his. Kinda concerning?

06:58 PM #
Told Coot I put his Penthouse letter on Craigslist to test the waters for bites from the mag before I sent it in: http://t.co/FjEfXUU1e3

07:01 PM #
Coot said he didn't believe me, and wanted to see the letter. I said it wasn't appropriate in front of Ann. She said, "No. Read it Karl."

07:04 PM #
That's when I read Cooter's Penthouse Forum outloud to Crazy Coot and Ann in front of a giant blow up pic of myself. Almost threw up twice.

07:14 PM #
Coot said to Ann, "Bet that got your cooze flooded." Ann just stared at Coot. For a long time. Until Coot got in his car and left.

07:22 PM #
If you refer to a babe's privates as her "cooze." And she responds with a blank, silent stare. Best to just back away and retreat, you guys.