Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat May 11 2013

09:28 AM #
Just asked Ann if it'd be chill for me to head out with the guys tonight. She said, "The guys? What guys?" Dunno. Dave or Coot I guess?

09:34 AM #
Guess my homeboy crew ain't as strong on the streets as it used to be. It's a side effect of shackin' up with a babe. Kinda concerning?

09:37 AM #
Righteous family man or street strong master of the carnal arts? It's so hard to keep the balance on point. Wonder how Guy Fieri does it?

09:52 AM #
Crap. Just heard one of those Jane Seymour ads on the tube. Must be Mom's Day comin' up 'cause she's hockin' her crap. So shameless.

10:08 AM #
Jane Seymour's like a holiday ambulance chaser. Anytime there's a chance to dip into your guilty pockets for gifts, she's around the corner.

10:59 AM #
A gift from Jared is supposed to show you care, but really just shows you, "forgot 'til the last minute, then picked out some crap off tv."

11:43 AM #
When it comes to Mom's Day, I'm always on point. Whenever it comes around this year, you can bet I'll be off the chain with thoughtfulness.