Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed May 15 2013

07:38 AM #
Woke up passed out on the lawn at Dave's apartment. Don't think he saw me. Can't let a pal see you crashed in need. Dents your pride.

07:41 AM #
I like to think of my life as a hand waxed muscle car. So when it gets keyed, I buff it out, pronto.

07:44 AM #
I rolled out direct in the 'Bring to Chili's. Took down the Southern Smokehouse Bacon Burger. It's real hearty, and kickstarts your pride.

07:48 AM #
After I took my grub to the house and polished off 4 ice cold mugs, I went in the Chili's parking lot, dropped, and gave myself 18 'shups.

07:51 AM #
Mighta been movin' too fast with Ann. My untamed carnal desires and deep hunger for life are just to thick and rich for some people.

07:55 AM #
Did I get rot gut bombed on an empty stomach on Mom's Day? Yes. I wanted my bod to be lean for possible topless activities to follow.

07:58 AM #
Did I try to perform an erotic, one man, all male, semi-nude revue to Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow's "Collide" for my ex-wife on Mom's Day? Yes.

08:00 AM #
Did my ex-wife call me a "sloppy clown" for tryin' to perform an erotic, one man, all male, semi-nude revue for her on Mom's Day? Yes.

08:04 AM #
I'm NOT a friggin' "sloppy clown." I'm a bad boy thriller with bad boy moves. Babes don't want me, they crave me. 24/7, 365. O.O.S.

08:09 AM #
Told Ann, "If you don't want a cut of my prime, I'll just take my carving station somewhere with an appetite." Shut her down.

08:12 AM #
A surprise, semi-nude, erotic performance to Kid Rock is a show of respectful affection. Anyone who doesn't get that needs to grow a soul.