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DadBoner - Tue May 28 2013

10:05 AM #
Had a blast at Bean Tooth's Memorial D celebraish yesterday. He had another on Sunday, but Monday was just for VIPs and heavy hitters.

10:07 AM #
Bean Tooth really threw down. Had a keg, chips & dips, and everything. I brought some Crown, bratato salad, and of course, my moves.

10:10 AM #
Didn't know Bean Tooth was gonna invite Dave & Sue. Coulda gave me a heads up. Woulda got a new 'rang or somethin'. Shoved it in their face.

10:17 AM #
Said, "David, you look well." He went for a handshake. "Whoa, Dr. Business. A manshake works fine for me." Put out my fist for a pound.

10:21 AM #
In court or at a bank or some crap, a handshake is fine. But extendin' a fist to pound out a manshake is how real men swap casual howdies.

10:24 AM #
If you wanna burn someone down on the sly, say, "You're lookin' well." It's high society code for, "Your gutso is gettin' sloppier, Tubs."

10:31 AM #
Dave said, "See you brought your bratato salad. You still make that? So unhealthy. None for me, thanks." I DIDN'T OFFER ANY, YOU CLOWN!

10:35 AM #
Told Dave, "What, you some sorta Health Butt?" Then blasted an off the side oral mouth ripper at Sue, combo'd with a wink. Shut him down.

10:37 AM #
Dave got real steamed. Said, "You can't just rip mouth beefs at my babe!" Told him, "Too late, 'cause I just did, kemosabe." Power move.

10:42 AM #
Dave went over to the potluck table and said, "Hey Welwiener, your bratato salad fell on the ground." Then knocked it there. It was on.

10:46 AM #
I took a sip off my cold one and whipped it at Dave, Verlander style. Peeled him in neck area. He started freakin' out, screamin' bad words.

10:48 AM #
Guess Dave was real upset and/or concerned about a serious injury, 'cause he let loose with a massive upchuck on Sue. Pretty cool?

10:52 AM #
Sue was sick of Dave horsecrap and split to the car. Told him to "grow up." It's what suckers who're cold in the privates like to say.

10:54 AM #
Crap was real weird until Crazy Cooter came outta the house with his peener stickin' through a paper plate with a face on it.

10:56 AM #
Crazy Cooter made his peener be the tongue on the paper plate face. Said, "Mr. Piss is ready to puke up some f*ckin' piss!" Real raunchy.

10:58 AM #
Cooter started chasin' Dave with his Mr. Piss paper plate face with his peener through it makin' whizz. Must be a new thing?

11:01 AM #
Cooter finally got Dave up against the garage and outta wind long enough to push out some gold squirts on his jean shorts. Such a great day.

11:04 AM #
Me and Dave had a solid guy to guy over some hard booze after Crazy Cooter whizzed on him. Even had a few laughs. So special.

11:10 AM #
It's not a true USA celebraish of respectful remembrance without a grown man takin' a leak on another grown man, you guys.

11:13 AM #
Gotta get back to the job. They call me the workin' man. I guess that's what I am.