Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed May 29 2013

10:33 AM #
Real nightmare at work this mornin'. Bean Tooth shocked himself pullin' the sump pump outta the pool while it was fillin' up. Bad.

10:38 AM #
Bean Tooth ripped the vinyl outta the lip. Vermiculite went everywhere and he fell in the pool. Disaster. Plus, we thought he was dead.

10:41 AM #
The homeowner saw everything. Started to call 911. Told him to chill. Tooth ain't got insurance. He's on a duct tape and cold ones budget.

10:44 AM #
Bean Tooth was a little buzzed on smoke and breakfast brews, but that's all part of workin' outside. Keepin' straight is for indoor jobs.

10:53 AM #
Bean Tooth seems pretty ok for being mildly electrocuted. Laid him out on the front lawn with a guy mag and a cold 2x4. Workin' man's ER.

11:01 AM #
When you're being paid under the table so the taxes don't kill ya, no insurance might take your life just the same, you guys.

11:03 AM #
Told the homeowner we gotta finish his pool tomorrow, out of respect for Bean Tooth's near death. And the need for a Wings pregame at BDubs.

11:08 AM #
Homeowner got steamed, "You can't finish the job 'cause you're watching hockey at Buffalo Wild Wings?!! Unacceptable." No "un." It's game 7.

11:09 AM #
Part of watchin' a big game, is proper cold ones for a few hours beforehand. Gotta stretch before you sprint.

11:15 AM #
Told the homeowner, "Listen buddy, this is a big game for Hockeytown tonight. Unless it's savin' lives, nobody's job is more important."

11:18 AM #
Let's Go Red Wings! Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now. So pumped.

07:12 PM #
Goddamnit, you guys.