Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Jun 03 2013

09:16 AM #
Had to take a quick chill out at work. Tensions came to blows over the subject of sickness due to oral carnal passions.

09:18 AM #
Word on the street is, Michael Douglas got throat cancer from excessive oral carnal passions. Kind concerning?

09:24 AM #
If Michael Douglas got sick from excessive oral passions, ultra bad boy old school Romeos like Tom Berenger must be one foot in the grave.

09:29 AM #
When it comes to possible cancer from oral carnal passions, real bad boys know to just keep chillin' 'cause you gotta die of somethin'.

09:37 AM #
To be fair, Michael Douglas probably pigged out at more babe buffets during the filming of Wallstreet than in most guys' whole lifetime.

09:48 AM #
Michael Douglas should really cut his babe diet down from "eatin" to "snackin." Ha! Sorry, just some guy humor there.

09:55 AM #
Oral carnal passions is the one time eatin' somethin' isn't as primo when it's piled high with all the toppings, you guys.

10:05 AM #
Petey told Bean Tooth, "you can get cancer from lickin' box now." Bean Tooth said, "Yeah, maybe from your mom's dirty pirate cave."

10:07 AM #
Petey said, "F*ck you, Tooth. My mom's f*ckin' dead, man." Bean Tooth said, "Well, guess no one's gonna eat her rotten box then." (?!)

10:12 AM #
Petey understandably threw a mini sledge at Bean Tooth. Went through the Homeowner's sun porch window and hit his fish tank. Disaster.

10:14 AM #
When you insult a person's dead mother by insinuating her feminine hygiene wasn't on point, heavy weapons surely will become involved.

10:20 AM #
When Petey physically engaged Bean Tooth, gashing his leg open with a shovel, I thought it might be a good time to become less involved.

10:23 AM #
Whenever you're in the middle of a violent situaish, it's time to ask yourself: Wouldn't I be better off hangin' out at Arby's right now?

10:27 AM #
Tried out Arb's new King's Hawaiian Roast Beef Sandwiches. Perty tasty. That mush mouth load on the commercials needs to can it though.

10:29 AM #
No idea what Arb's was thinkin, hirin a retarded elderly guy who looks like he wipes with the t-shirt he's wearin' to sell their sandwiches.

10:33 AM #
Michael Douglas probably wouldn't have gotten cancer if he just stuck to eatin' the always fresh & tasty roast beef from Arby's, you guys.