Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Jun 18 2013

04:22 PM #
Still hurtin' from the Dads' Day celebraish. Gettin' one man blackout drunk at The Fast or Furious like a chill move? Ended questionably.

04:26 PM #
The movie ticket taker asked what was in my six pack cooler. Told him, "My medication. I gotta keep it on ice for emergencies." Idiot.

04:30 PM #
Ticket taker insisted on checkin' my sixer cooler. Said, "Listen buddy. It's my private medicaish for loose BMs. It's none of your biz."

04:47 PM #
If you don't want someone snoopin in your bag, say it's filled with 'rhea medicaish. Then hold eye contact that says, "I've had incidents."

04:56 PM #
If movie theaters wanna steal from you on pricing, then I'm gonna lie to sneak in booze. Stealing > lying. It's moral arithmetic, you guys.

05:04 PM #
Gotta say, Fast or Furious rocked. Diesel and The Rock were SO pumped. Inspired me to flex my beef and do some 'shups on the theater floor.

05:12 PM #
A couple moved a few rows away from me in the theater. The guy musta saw my thick meat pipes & didn't want his babe havin' a carnal fantasy.

05:18 PM #
Worked up a natural man lather with my 'shups so I decided to pop my jersey for a cool down. Active bodies gotta breathe, you guys.

05:26 PM #
Guess I caught a snooze during Fast or Furious 'cause I woke up with a spilt cold one crotch and my shirt off. The manager in my business.

05:29 PM #
The manager gave me a mouth load so I said, "Whoa. It's Dads' Day. Pump your breaks before you tell me how to rock 'n roll." Sounded cool?

05:36 PM #
Guess my brain decided to not hit record on the next few hours. A superior mind's selective memory doesn't necessarily mean you blacked out.

05:38 PM #
Woke up in my car on the lawn outside Ann & the kids. Probably wanted 'em to know their #1 Dad's vibes were close in mind and body.

05:45 PM #
Around 4am, I swung by Doug & Tina Carlson's. Did some burnouts on their lawn. Felt good to serve up revenge ice cold with all the toppings.

05:48 PM #
Even took my sledge to their mailbox. Crushed right through, "The Carlsons." Such a Power Move. Hit 'em with a "suck it" and peeled out.

05:52 PM #
Sometimes, the best gift you can give yourself is a revenge rampage that even you're surprised is happening, you guys.