Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed Jun 19 2013

05:13 PM #
Ann rang. Guess there's some concern over, "vandalism to the Carlson's home." Told her, "I couldn't grunt less of a hot crap about that."

05:23 PM #
Ann said, "Karl, I saw your car on our lawn the night the Carlsons were attacked." Jeez. I just tore up the lawn and crushed a mailbox.

05:25 PM #
A home "attack" would be more like an explosive BM through someone's mail slot. I know 'cause I've considered it lots of times. So badass.

05:27 PM #
You could stuff your peener in a mail slot and take a whizz, but if the homeowner has a pet, an injury could occur. Gotta play it smart.

05:31 PM #
Bet havin' a dog maul your peener while it's sprayin' whizz through a family's front door mail slot is about as bad as it sounds, you guys.

05:37 PM #
Told Ann, "Did someone power push a rotten gut blast through their mail slot? That's my style. So if not, back off with the thumb screws."

05:41 PM #
Ann said, "Karl, have you been defecating in people's mail slots?! Are you insane?!" No! I just think about it sometimes. Lotta people do.

05:45 PM #
Ann finally just hung up when I asked her if I left my Bad Company tape at the house. Typical Ann. Everything has to be about her.

06:00 PM #
If someone accuses you of committing a crime, Assure 'em you woulda done somethin' much worse. Keeps you street side, and your rep on point.