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DadBoner - Tue Jun 25 2013

01:05 PM #
Just got back from Dave's. Yelled in window that I needed some bread, pronto. Told him, "don't even trip." (Heard Peanut say that once.)

01:09 PM #
Dave wasn't home, so I just cut the screen open with my blade and slipped in. Had to get it on. Also, had to crap.

01:12 PM #
Pullin' a B&E to take an emergency BM has gotta be legal in at least a few states. Especially if it's 'cause of the BK Carolina BBQ Whopper.

01:17 PM #
BK's Carolina BBQ Whopper is the kinda good grub where you still got a taste in your craw while you're pushin' it out the back. Fine eatin'.

01:20 PM #
When I was poppin' a squat on Dave's pot, gruntin' with the grace of God, my heart was warmed by thoughts of toilet times past. So special.

01:26 PM #
After I tore up Dave's john, (Even broke the toilet for old time's sake. Ha!) I started flippin' his pad for quick cash, outlaw style.

01:28 PM #
Couldn't find crap for dough except for Dave's old WWE novelty Demolition glass filled with pennies. Just put the whole thing in my cargos.

01:31 PM #
Got real steamed when I couldn't find any cash or my personal mail correspondence. Started dumpin' out trash, maniac style.

01:35 PM #
Found a buncha my mail at the bottom of the kitchen garbage, covered in syrup. Ripped it all out and stuffed it in the penny glass pocket.

01:37 PM #
When I was climbin' back out Dave's window, I pinched my peener & veggies when my crotched straddled the ledge. Thought I tore my guy sack.

01:39 PM #
With a possible crotch flesh rip, I fell out the window and landed on the WWE Demolition glass of pennies. Blood ensued. Kinda concerning.

01:53 PM #
I stumbled back to my ride, Mad Max style, blood pourin' from the glass shards in my thigh. Luckily, my thick beef trunks can handle damage.

01:56 PM #
As I sat in my car, pickin' shards of a WWF collector's glass outta my leg during a self operaish in the Walgreen's lot, I thought, "Why?"

01:58 PM #
"Why am I pullin' B&Es for pennies and guest toilet craps? Sick of this. Where's my goddamn USA rainbow? I'm the friggin' workin' man!"

01:59 PM #
"Stealin' pennies that may or may not be owed to me in hopes of purchasin' a mobile home ain't the kinda Power Moves I'm tryin' to make."

02:03 PM #
I hung my head, pulled out my syrup and blood stained mail, and peeled it apart, politely askin' for blessings.

02:09 PM #
Eventually, we all hit the wall. But that's the only way to find out who goes home, who climbs it, or who crushes right through, you guys.

04:48 PM #
"How To Keep It Chillin' With Primo Babes When You're Crashin' A Celebraish." http://t.co/VSbUz8EmpV

11:42 PM #
Can't sleep. My man thigh hurts from where that that glass cut it up. Also, found some weird crap in my blood & syrup coated trash mail.

11:48 PM #
Might have a new opportunity to rock. Kinda out of it due to booze and pains. Could be big though. Gotta sleep. Dumpin Dr. Beam on my wound.

11:51 PM #
Jim Beam is a good Dr. for the soul as well as accidental injury of the external bod department, you guys. Really hurtin'. Need a blessing.

11:53 PM #
Gonna send vibes to the Big Man that what I found in the trash is on point and not a load. Now to sleep, perchance to dream. Amen.