Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Jul 04 2013

10:42 AM #
Who's ready to rock?! Happy 4th of July, you guys. Somebody gimme an AWE HELL YEAH!

10:45 AM #
The 4th of July is the day we all launch double middle freedom rockets at the rest of the world, as one, and in peace.

10:51 AM #
America is the best in the business. 365. 24/7. Open on Sundays. Kinda like 7-Eleven, but even better.

10:53 AM #
I know today's all about the USA, but Van Halen's "Amsterdam" is soundin' SO good right now. Man.

10:58 AM #
Lightin' Black Cats off a cig + Van Halen + poundin' cold ones in a parked American made convertible = Why other countries can suck it.

11:00 AM #
I'd put Van Halen WITH Gary Cherone up against ANY other country's crappy band in a second. USA.

11:03 AM #
Can't believe other countries still got beef with the USA. Don't make sense. Guess they're just "haters." Peanut (RIP) used to say that.

11:07 AM #
Weird how when you're the best, folks who ain't wanna tell you how to get better. Gotta just put on blinders and rock steady onward.

11:10 AM #
Think Eddie Van Halen gives a hot crap what some couch critic says about his axe work? No. He's too busy tappin' out aural miracles.

11:25 AM #
Did I wake up in my car in the Chili's parkin' lot this mornin'? Sure did. Proud to do so, 'cause I'm a free man in the goddamn USA.

11:49 AM #
Got no time for haters. 'Cause haters ain't havers. And I got plenty, thank you very much. But when I get my Camaro, I'll have it all.

11:53 AM #
Gonna polish off this 12 and head out. There's gotta be so many thick & juicy American babes cravin' primo satisfaction, 4th of July style.

12:00 PM #
My fellow Americans: On the 5th, if you still remember the 4th, your body didn't sacrifice enough cold ones for the USA, you guys.