Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Jul 08 2013

10:03 AM #
Whoa. Guess I'm in Maxim mag today? Gotta be gettin' that Camaro any day now. http://t.co/SdXBkZCUfy

10:05 AM #
How much moolah does it pay to be in Maxim? Not sure. But it's gotta be 6 figures. Maxim's pretty much the #1 guy mag in the US right now.

10:14 AM #
Bet the guys who write for Maxim get dibs on all the Maxim babes. Might have to reach out. Let 'em know Karl is sing and ready to ming.

10:16 AM #
Callin' Harper Columns. Gotta check on the Camaro. Mighta shipped it already? Need to make sure it's SS so I don't look like a clown.

10:34 AM #
Some gal at Harper Columns said she never heard of "K-Money" and hung up when I started goin' bonkers on the phone. So steamed.

10:38 AM #
Told Bean Tooth and the fellas I had big news and was in Maxim mag. Tooth said,"You gunked in a magazine? Good for you, Welzein."

10:41 AM #
Rang Ann. Told her my big book debut is tomorrow. Maybe we should have a little celebraish? Ann said, "We can't help you anymore, Karl."

10:47 AM #
Called Dave. Told him we should have a guy to guy 'cause I got a truckload of Maxim babes on the way and a Camaro SS 'cause of Power Moves.

10:54 AM #
Dave said, "Know you broke into my pad. Can tell by the big clogger you left in my pot. Flushed it and had a big overflow. Not interested."

10:57 AM #
I'm Karl Welzein, the friggin' President and CEO of Bad Boy City, USA. I got a friggin' book comin' out tomorrow. No one wants to hang out?

11:00 AM #
Where's my Camaro? Where's my $$$? Why do I still live in my car? Why do I even try at bein' a top notch bad boy if I just get shut down?

11:04 AM #
If I don't got a Camaro draped in oiled up cocoa tan babes by the weekend, I might have to fly a helicopter into the sun and end this crap.

11:05 AM #
Sick of this.

03:26 PM #
Waitin' to hear back from Harper Columns 'bout my Camaro. Maybe they're plannin' a big launch party tomorrow at 'Bee's? Chili's? Who knows.

03:28 PM #
If Harper Columns'd just give me a damn phone call to say where I can pick of my first cool million, I'd buy my own damn Camaro. So steamed.

03:31 PM #
Harper Columns even made me a private book website with that renegade Tony Bourdain chef guy on it. http://t.co/P6Hii4Ynbt They're LOADED.

03:33 PM #
JUST GIVE ME MY COOL MILLION SO I CAN HIRE MOTLEY CRUE TO PLAY IN THE CHILI'S PARKIN' LOT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

03:34 PM #
Man, 'nothin' says, "Suck it, everybody," like havin' Motley Crue play a private celebraish at Chili's, you guys.