Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Jul 09 2013

08:31 AM #
POWER MOVES Livin' The American Dream, USA Style, is avail today at Man. Might be a #1 seller? Can't be sure.

08:35 AM #
Between ANY other book, and POWER MOVES, it's a no brainer on which one to read, and which one to wipe your backdoor with, you guys.

11:55 AM #
Talked to that Shanno babe at Harper Columns 'bout my Camaro. Said some crap about "not gettin' a Super Bowl ring 'til the game's over."

11:58 AM #
Told Shanno, "Don't want no Supes ring! Want my friggin' 'Maro! Don't make me rock n roll all over your snoozy book office!" Hung up on me.

12:05 PM #
Showed up for work today and told Bean Tooth my book came out and I couldn't stay. Bean Tooth said, "Fine, you're fired motherf*cker."

12:10 PM #
Kinda went bonkers. Booted Tooth in the gut and Stone Cold Stunned him. Busted out his rotten tooth. Lotta blood. Forgot he was on thinners.

12:13 PM #
Felt bad for lettin' my action get hot on Bean Tooth. Been under alotta stress lately from livin' in my ride and stored up guy feelins,

12:14 PM #
Whether it's carnal or aggro, sometimes you just gotta get it on, to get it out, you guys.

12:16 PM #
Tooth was doin' some weird wail like when an inner city momma on the news loses a kid from violence on the streets. Real disturbing.

12:20 PM #
Kept sayin, "I was just kiddin' Wewzein! Jesus Cwist my toof you stupid fat f*ck!" Judgin' by the blood loss, profanity was understandable.

12:23 PM #
Told Tooth, "I'm under a lotta presh right now to get my Camaro as well as bein' backed up with babe desires! You lit the wrong dynamite!"

12:26 PM #
Tooth kept yellin', "Holy cwap, holy cwap that f*ckin' Coumadin won't wet my mouf stop bweedin'!" Stuffed his mouth with my old Corona tee.

12:30 PM #
When you smoke some mouthy piece of trash on the job site, it's a show of further strength to mend the destruction you caused, you guys.

12:35 PM #
After you crush somebody's face, extending a hand to help them off the floor turns your enemy into an ally. Also looks badass in any movie.

12:37 PM #
Got Tooth cleaned up. Since we were out by Bay City, took him to Hooter's as an, "I'm sorry." Nothin' says, "I'm TRULY sorry" like Hoot's."

12:41 PM #
Any pal who won't accept the gesture of a Hooter's lunch as an apology is...well...well, they're just a piece of terrible garbage, you guys.

05:12 PM #
Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys.