Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Jul 14 2013

07:54 PM #
Still kickin' it at Bean Tooth's. Gettin' pretty funky in here. In a not good way, as opposed to the tasteful funkiness of Triple D.

07:59 PM #
Wonder if Guy Fieri ever went into a joint and said, "Whoa. This dive is TOO funky." Probably not. Guy's the funkiest daddio in Stank Town.

08:02 PM #
Would a diner, drive-in, or dive called "Bunsies," where hefty babes serve hot dogs from 'tween their buttcheeks, be considered, TOO funky?

08:09 PM #
Bean Tooth is yellin' at me to "Stop talkin' 'bout that f*ckin' stupid buttcheek hot dog restaurant for the 85th time!" Just thinkin'. Jeez.

08:14 PM #
Sometimes when you're bombed, if you just keep sayin' crap outloud over and over for days, the truth comes to light, least in your own head.

08:22 PM #
Think Tooth is just steamed 'cause he "couldn't get no boloney holes to come the f*ck over" after he did his "3 point sack scrub."

08:25 PM #
Don't know why Bean Tooth thinks scrubbin' your peener, veggies, and 3rd pit, is some sorta special occaish. Me? I like a 365 clean crotch.

08:30 PM #
Heard Bean Tooth on the phone with those babes. Lotta bad language and demanding. Who uses the "c-word" when they're asking out a babe?

08:34 PM #
There's more enticing ways of phone romancin' a babe than, "Get your trash hole over here so I can taste your garbage," you guys.

08:40 PM #
After Tooth tried to work more magic on the babe with begs; "F*ckin' PLEASE come over! I'm drunk as sh*t with no dick B.O." it was over.

08:43 PM #
Pretty sure Bean Tooth caused a solo release that night and rubbed it into the carpet with his shoe. But I like to think it was a nightmare.

08:53 PM #
When you're fallin' asleep to the sounds of your brain screamin' for you to click the final off button, a change is desired, you guys.