Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed Aug 21 2013

04:47 PM #
Been layin' low. Woke up to Joseph droppin' side kicks into the driver's side window of my 'Bring while I was tryin' to catch some Z's.

04:51 PM #
When you wake to someone kickin' your car window, thoughts tend to be: #1: Look at the flexibility. Man. And #2: Am I gettin' murdered?

04:54 PM #
A perk of livin' in your car is; if someone wants to break in to murder you, you can just move your home to a less murderable locaish.

04:56 PM #
Decided to get outta town for a bit. Needed some healthy R&R. The stress of a possible attempted murder can kill you, you guys.

04:58 PM #
Been hangin' out in Fenton. Was gonna get the boat out, but remembered it's crashed out in Dave's apartment parkin' lot. My mistake.

05:01 PM #
Went real bonkers on the storage guy. Used several threats involving my boot and his backdoor in the heat of the moment. Lotsa arm motions.

05:04 PM #
After the storage guy produced documents showin' how I signed the boat outta storage as "Captain Karl," I knew they were 2 legit 2 quit.

05:07 PM #
The memories returned to my brain smoothly, and I rescinded my offer for a foot to p.u. insertion, respectfully.

05:11 PM #
Sometimes, a man gets his boat out and then forgets he did. I'm not a computer. I'm Karl. And my mind is busy with other activities.

05:16 PM #
Bean Tooth rang today. Guess when I peeled out on Joseph's attack, I ran over his ankle area. Bad. Works out well for me to stay gone a bit.

05:22 PM #
"Home is where the heart is?" Who knows what that means. Home's where someone don't wanna murder you. Could be a cool door sign, you guys.