Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Nov 28 2013

12:25 PM #
"BUTT-VERSARY?!" Ha! Writin' that down. Man. NFL on FOX is always great for some laughs. Better than any of that crap on NBC.

12:26 PM #
Happy 'Ving, you guys.

12:27 PM #
So pumped for the Lions. Gonna crank some Stranglehold like it's never been cranked before. Let's do this, Detroit.

12:29 PM #
Told Dave we should just have 'Ving, buddy style. Guy to guy. Hook it up with all the trimmings. All the way. The works. Full spread.

12:32 PM #
Dave's gonna head out for a turk at halftime. Buyin' a turk ON 'Ving is how to get the best value pricing on your bird. Old hustler's trick.

12:34 PM #
Might have to make a batch of Captain Karl's Stove Brat stuffin'. It's Stove Top, with REAL hunks of brat in it. Great for ANY celebraish.

12:34 PM #
Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys.

01:09 PM #
Crazy Cooter stopped by. Said he had to use the john to "milk his sinner." Been in there for 15 min usin' bad language. Kinda concerning.

01:13 PM #
Coot just screamed, "Just spit out your f*ckin' gob of poison, motherf*cker!" Presumably at his peener. Jeez. Tryin' to watch the game.

01:17 PM #
Can hear my blowdryer turnin' on and off and Cooter yellin', "Yeah, cook that fat meat, motherf*cker." Wish the TV went louder.

01:21 PM #
Blastin' your peener with a blowdryer during solo carnal passions seems like a last resort when darkness of the flesh sets in. Pretty sad.

01:27 PM #
Guess I use my blowdryer for maximum volume on my rockin' pony, so shootin' it at your guy zone to fill your peener isn't completely insane?

01:31 PM #
Hope Cooter finishes in the john before the turk is ready. Can't enjoy a 'Ving meal with a man violently tuggin' at his crotch, you guys.

03:28 PM #
Man. The Lions are the bomb today, you guys. So thankful.

03:30 PM #
Wonder where Dave is? Ain't back with the turk yet. I gotta get my 'Ving fill up. A Detroit win gives a real man a big appetite.

03:31 PM #
Kinda steamed at Cooter. He used up all my eye cream "milkin' his soft sinner." I need that for my looks!

03:33 PM #
Real carnal bad boys use eye cream. Soft and tender peepers drive the babes wild with desire, you guys.

04:12 PM #
No, Cooter. I DON'T want to treat us to some "buttf*ckable turkey day prostos." Where the crap is Dave?!

04:15 PM #
Payin' for backdoor carnal passions on a holiday with a prosto is some crap for politicians or that Bill Maher guy. Not my style.

04:28 PM #
Kinda bombed. Just got choked up about Pat Summerall bein' dead. It's a pretty good gauge of bombedness. Might have to switch to Gatorpagne.

04:30 PM #
Wonder if Gatorade makes a pumpkin' flave? Could be a holiday hit for hydration and mixin' with rums or other booze as a festive punch.

04:36 PM #
Cooter just yanked his guy bag through a hole in his jeans crotch and said, "I sat in some f*ckin' gum." Gonna go outside now.