Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Dec 24 2013

02:04 PM #
Feelin real good 'bout my new generous Xmas policy of, "Givin' The Gift of Lettin' Others Give." Better to give than receive. So thoughtful.

02:15 PM #
Not bein' Mr. Big Spender this year is kinda a bummer. But hoggin' all the generosity is so greedy. Gotta share the giving, you guys.

02:19 PM #
Called Ann to tell her the good news bout me allowin her to spring for the big big gifts this year. She said, "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

02:26 PM #
Ann never uses f-word. Maybe a few times? Like when she found my secret cigs behind one of her Dickens houses on Xmas 2009.

02:28 PM #
Ann started goin bonkers, "I thought you finally called to apologize for stealin' your son's tree and be a man!" Nope. Still the man though.

02:30 PM #
Think Ann mighta destroyed her phone in all the excitement 'cause after our call musta got disconnected, it goes straight to VM.

02:32 PM #
Always wanted one a those sports cars with a bow on top. Ann never got me one. How I knew she wasn't into me 110%.

02:35 PM #
Think I got some room on one of my credit cards. Might rent a Camaro, put a bow on it, blackout, and wake up to the surprise I deserve.

02:39 PM #
Whoever said you can't give yourself the gift of bein' a God, probably spent too much time trustin' in one other than themself, you guys.