Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Apr 06 2014

06:02 PM #
Been kinda wantin' to suck a steel barrel for a few days, but Dave said Wrestlemania is on tonight. Might get some casual cold ones.

06:04 PM #
Goin' to the store. Gettin' some cold ones, a few Totino's Party Pizzas (Combination) and maybes some cigs. 'Cause who cares.

06:06 PM #
When you're bombed eatin' a Totino's 'za and rippin' butts, that's when you know stuff is chill and it's time to not give a crap, you guys.

07:05 PM #
Got 12 Totino's 'zas with that irish wrestling guy on 'em. Not the short joke guy, the one with the kick you in the face guy. So money.

07:06 PM #
Kid Rock does the 'Mania song! Man. Didn't know wrestling got so cool.

07:08 PM #
Hulk Hogan's back?! Was always a Savage man. Hogan's more for kids, but still, kinda cool? Also, he's not dead which is chill.

07:11 PM #
STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

07:12 PM #
Just spilled ranch all over my lap when Stone Cold came out. Dave's makin' man squirts cracks. Jeez.

07:13 PM #
What?

07:14 PM #
Can somebody give Stone Cold Steve Austin an AWE HELL YEAH!, you guys?

07:19 PM #
When the Rock, Stone Cold, and The Hulkster are all in the ring together, it really lets other countries know they can suck it. ALL of it.

07:22 PM #
If your boss don't like you, whup his candy ass. That's how you should live your life, you guys.

07:24 PM #
Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys. Break the glass.

07:28 PM #
From coast to coast, all the babes know, that Captain Karl Welzein is an A+ player, you guys.

07:32 PM #
Whoa. Steph McMahon is a beefy smokeshow. Dave said, "she wants it, and I gots it." Did some pelv thrusts. Jeez. Gettin' a fresh cold one.

07:35 PM #
Triple H cut off his rockin' pony?! Kinda concerning. Might have to do some life evaluations and soul searching.

07:41 PM #
Did some soul searching. With Trips not havin' a pony, I'm a D-Bry man.

07:41 PM #
YES! YES! YES!, you guys.

07:46 PM #
Dave's still talkin' 'bout how he "wants to give Steph McMahon the old 1-2-3." 1-2-3? Idiot. I'm tryin' to watch the match!

07:48 PM #
Sure, I'd make carnal passions with Steph McMahon. I'm 110% America Beef in the guy zone. But I don't feel the need to broadcast that info.

07:55 PM #
Steph McMahon looks like she might rip off your peener and veggies. Dave can have her. Don't want my man basement destroyed.

07:58 PM #
Daniel Bryan is makin' a run to be the baddest man on the planet, you guys.

08:04 PM #
YES! YES! YES! Whoa. Daniel Bryan is SO cool. Real madman.

08:07 PM #
Bet when Steph McMahon and Triple H have carnal passions, there's violence surpassing traditional erotic adult rendezvous. Jeez.

08:17 PM #
Missed the last 'Mania match. Had to grunt out a Totino's Pizza YES MOVEMENT in the john.

08:21 PM #
The Big Show? More like, "The Pig Slow." Ha!

08:22 PM #
"Welllllll, it's the Pig Slooooww!"

08:24 PM #
Where's JR? Kinda concerning.

08:25 PM #
Good Ol' JR is what wrestling sounds like. If he ain't dead, he should be on the mic, callin' the shots. That's just how life is.

08:39 PM #
Whoa. This Wyatt guy looks like he should be in a mental asylum. In the cool way though. Real badass. Not like some rapist or some crap.

09:15 PM #
Had another Totino's Pizza YES MOVEMENT in the john. Missed the last match. Guess the Cena guy won cause Dave is sayin' "you can't see me."

09:17 PM #
'Taker!? He must be like a thousand years old. Wonder how many people he's killed behind the scenes? Probably at least 3.

09:18 PM #
Bork Lazer has probs got the bod I got underneath my bod if my bod ate more greens. But, not my style. I crave bold flavors.

09:21 PM #
Bork Lazer craves Jimmy John's? Whoa. Me too. I'm an Italian Nightclub man (plus mayo). Must be why our bods are sync'd up to perfection.

09:27 PM #
Dave said, it's not "Bork Lazer," it's "Brock Lesnar." Idiot. He's not a true fan with his ear to the streets of WWE avenue.

09:29 PM #
That Paul Heyman guy looks like a pig who became a person and got rich. Probably not the case, but still, it's a chill look.

10:15 PM #
Undertaker lost. Dave's crying. Was tryin' to enjoy the babes' match! So erotic.

10:17 PM #
Rowdy Rowdy Piper sounds like he's got a dead animal in his throat.

10:18 PM #
Whoa! Mr. T?! Thought he died of HIV's disease. Good to see he's still rockin'.

10:20 PM #
Dave stopped crying. Said this is the Randy Orton song. Seems in a good mood again. Kinda rocks, but Orton looks like he's an assclown.

10:24 PM #
Whoa. This Buttastah guy looks like a macho machine. Probs gets all the babes. Wonder if he knows his name sounds like "Butt Taster?"

10:31 PM #
Dave said his name's not "Butt Tastah." It's "Batista." So stupid. It's implied that he's the Butt Taster. It's erotic code words to babes.

10:38 PM #
Might have to let my pony down like Daniel Bryan. "Sensual Maniac." Like an animal, ready for the hunt, on babes. YES! YES! YES!

10:40 PM #
Daniel Bryan just hit someone with a sledgehammer. Think I had plans to do that once. Don't remember. Gotta write stuff down more.

10:48 PM #
Daniel Bryan is pretty much the man. If I was in Wrestlemania, we'd probs put a street style beat down on that Randy Orton assclown.

10:49 PM #
Dave said, "Randy Orton is cool. You don't get it Karl." Dave's a stupid piece of trash with zero taste. I can smell a scumbag.

10:50 PM #
This is awesome, you guys.

10:51 PM #
YES! YES! YES!, YOU GUYS!