Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Sep 28 2014

01:06 PM #
Never was a Miller Lite man. More of a beer for babes. But these Bob Uecker cans make 'em go down, so smooth.

01:08 PM #
Why don't every beer company just make throwback cans so everybody can pound piles of cold ones like when it wasn't so "frowned upon?"

01:10 PM #
In the '70s and '80s, nobody was an "alcoholic." People were either just a "hobo" or a "guy who likes a good time." Real simple.

01:14 PM #
Miller Lite should do an ad where a guy drinks 12 Uecker cans, then shows up for work late and no one cares. What the '80s were like.

01:18 PM #
Lite Uecker cans ain't just drinkin' beer. It's drinkin' a memory of when the USA was proud and true, you guys.

01:22 PM #
Lite should make throwback Ueckers WITH the vortex bottle. Be like a cold one tornado time machine.

01:25 PM #
Pizza Hut should focus less on stuffin' their crust and focus more on makin' a pie that won't make you blow up the john for 3 days.

01:28 PM #
Sure, Pizza Hut tastes real fine. But it's basically a box full of the hot runs you're gonna have later. That should be addressed.

01:34 PM #
Ad should be, "Howdy, it's Blake Skelton. The Hut stuffed MORE tasty crap in their 'za so you can have a bigger wet blowout later." Fair?

01:37 PM #
Look, I'm no stranger to 'rrhea. It's part of life. But if your eats give it to everyone, EVERY time, there should be a heads up, Pizza Hut.

01:40 PM #
Screw it. Orderin' one a them bacon cheese deals from Pizza Hut. Few days of harsh diarrhea ain't nothin' to a true bad boy, you guys.

03:49 PM #

03:50 PM #
Feel like I could drink a thousand beers for Detroit Michigan right now, you guys.

03:53 PM #
A real man don't cry. But a true bad boy knows it's ok to shed a tear for his team and/or America, you guys.