Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Jun 21 2015

12:59 PM #
Gotta say, Happy Dad's Day to all the chill Dads out there from coast to coast. May you pound a thousand cold ones, you guys.

01:12 PM #
Dad's Day is a celebraish of lettin' everyone know you went all the way with a babe. Maybe several times. With carnal satisfaction.

01:15 PM #
Nothin' gets the babes flared up like knowin' you're a Dad. And your peener & veggies are fully loaded, ready to get the job done.

01:19 PM #
All single Dads gotta do on Dad's Day is hit the bar, keep talkin' 'bout how you "love your kids," and every babe will crave your touch.

01:25 PM #
When a babe asks how many kids I have, a chill answer is, "3. Could be more if you like to party." Then buy her a well drink or somethin.

01:32 PM #
Told Dave he should make up a few kids to get babes. Never see mine anyway. Plus, it's nobody's business what your personal truths are.

01:34 PM #
My kids know that I can't be "cool" and also "around." We have an understanding. It's pretty special.

01:38 PM #
Just 'cause I don't have Arby's all the time doesn't mean I don't think about it. Like I don't see my fam. It's a mental bond. So strong.

01:44 PM #
Told Dave we should hit 'Bee's and cruise for lonelies with Dad swag. Givin him my wedding ring to fiddle with on the bar like he's bummed.

01:46 PM #
Nothin' makes a babe go wild with desire like seein' a guy fiddlin' with a wedding ring at a bar like, "things are on the rocks."

01:48 PM #
In every movie Bruce Willis's relaish with a babe is "on the rocks." Babes crave Bruce Willis. So, be on the rocks, and rake it in. Easy.

01:50 PM #
Dad's Day, 2015. Let's roll. With all the toppings, you guys.