Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Jul 06 2015

07:16 PM #
Really hurtin' from the weekend. Feels like a chainsaw is fightin' a tornado in my brain. My BMs are less than pleasurable as well.

07:22 PM #
Really rocked my bash on the 4th. Musta had AT LEAST 20 people. No one paid, but made it clear I got the empties. Put up a sign.

07:24 PM #
Only had minor property damage. Not my fault of course. Someone crashed their Mercury Cougar into the apt building. Ripped off the gas line.

07:29 PM #
Crazy Cooter's buddy Petey stuffed a t-shirt in the pipe and plugged up the gas leak. Moved the grill further away for safety.

07:31 PM #
If you're rockin' a party successfully, you can't just stop for an emergency that can just as well be an emergency the next day.

07:44 PM #
Was goin' maniac bonkers. Dancin' SO hard. Then Cooter shot Dave in the "f*ckin' anus" with a bottle rocket. Laughed 'til I made barf. Ha!

07:48 PM #
Blacked out after Dave's anus got destroyed. Think my bod timed it that way 'cause it was pretty much the celebraish highlight.

07:53 PM #
Nothin' says America like a hilarious moderate injury to a buddy's backdoor manhole area after bongin' some whiskey for the USA, you guys.