Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Nov 01 2015

08:50 PM #
Really hurtin'. Booze ain't doin' its job like a one a them grocery store self checkout lanes that won't sell you booze.

08:52 PM #
Detroit Lions are a dumpster fulla dog crap on fire. Tried to Go Pack and they ate it. My nose is destroyed from a guy's fist. Unchill.

08:54 PM #
Guess when you dress like Aaron Rogers on 'Ween in Michigan and try to put the mack down on another man's babe, violence occurs.

08:56 PM #
Told this babe, "Sup. Name's A-Rog. QB1 from the Pack. Ditch that corncob and let's make a carnal touchdown." Seemed like a gimme.

08:58 PM #
We was in the Mickey D's p-lot, after hours, so I figured the babe's man was either ready to explode with diarrhea or vomit. Which is natch.

09:00 PM #
Man can't satisfy a babe's downstairs if he's gotta vomit or buttbarf, so that's when's a good time for you to offer up your personal nasty.

09:02 PM #
Guy got out of his truck and pot shotted my grill. I woulda handled him, bad boy style, but I was too focused on his honey's hot beefers.

09:04 PM #
When your eyes are on a double chest beefer prize, you probs won't notice a fist from the owner crushin' your face 'til too late.

09:06 PM #
Went pretty blackout on the asphalt of the Mickey D's for an hour or whatever 'til a car backed over my ankle. Might be broke but not sure.

09:08 PM #
Been splayed out with a smashed face and destroyed leg all day in my Aaron Rogers 'stume. I am blood. I am pain. I am Karl.

09:10 PM #
Wish I could fill a bathtub with Jim Beam and soak my weekend away 'til my bombed body blacks out with my brain, you guys.