Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Dec 09 2016

09:59 AM #
Happy Friday to ya, you guys.

04:22 PM #
Forgot what a full week of work feels like. It's unreasonable. My feeters are screamin' but my brain is on fire for action and satisfaction.

04:25 PM #
Caught the bossman snoozin' on the toilet today. Mouth open, snorin' like a garbage disposal with a fork in it. Whizzed in the sink.

04:29 PM #
Think my boss has a weight issue. Was a bag of Funyons next to him in the john. Quietly took a couple so he wouldn't eat 'em all.

04:33 PM #
Really rockin' my new job. Been "workin' the floor." Crackin' jokes, talkin' loud, pointin' at stuff real hard. I'm pretty much the man.

04:40 PM #
Got me a work shirt and a very cool tag that says "Karl." Looks badass and totally official. Like a CEO style desk name plate but mobile.

04:47 PM #
Gonna rip a pint of Beam and head to 'Bee's. See if my official work shirt and name tag brings hither in a sloppy smokeshow, consensually.

04:50 PM #
Wearin' your work clothes to a bar late night lets the babes know, "I get up early for the bread, but can rock all night on your buns." Ha!

04:55 PM #
Dave said I'm "too bombed" to go to 'Bee's. Idiot. I'm gonna walk. There's no "bombed out of your mind" walking laws that anyone obeys.

04:56 PM #
Anyone who tells you you're too drunk is probably just jealous, you guys.