Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Jan 26 2017

10:06 AM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

10:13 AM #
Feelin' kinda bloated. Face looks like got stung by several bees. Might need to switch to Powerade Zero with my lunch vod.

10:16 AM #
Got a customer comin' in today I been kinda "buddy buddy" with. Think she needs some Karl. Don't want her to see my bee stung bloat face.

10:37 AM #
Gonna do some 'shups before customer babe comes in. Refuel and rehydrate with a few lunch cold ones. Get my bloat face toned and slim.

10:40 AM #
A few cold brews after a workout is important so you don't lose muscle. That's a science fact I read in Maxim a few years ago I think.

12:47 PM #
Did 27 'shups. May have overdone recovery cold ones but wanted to be safe. Had 5. They were CRAFT brews though. All natural.

12:51 PM #
Really gave my babe customer a thrill. I was sweaty, swollen, and VERY conversational. Breathin' hard. Pretty much the full package.

12:56 PM #
Babe customer asked if I was ok. Said, "depends how YOU'RE feelin?" Leaned on a shelf to give her a gun show. Casually, yet on purpose.

12:58 PM #
Accidentally knocked a few to a dozen furnace filters off the shelf. Pretty sure she didn't notice 'cuz my pipes were so thick and ripe.

01:03 PM #
Babe customer asked to have a one on one with my manager after our business convo. Think she wanted my digits as a means to my touch.

01:05 PM #
Manager wanted to talk after work but I told him, "Not now. It's Thursday. Burrsday. And I'm late for my appointment with Dr. Cold One, MD.

01:18 PM #
Only way to wait for a babe's call is to sit at a bar poundin a thousand brews and starin' at your phone with erotic mind control, you guys.