Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Jan 30 2017

11:16 AM #
Forgot to go to work on Friday. Came in 4 hours late today so it wasn't obvious. Made sense after the 7 cold ones I drank in the shower.

11:18 AM #
Took a hair brush and scraped up my neck real bad. Said I was havin' "rash problems." Didn't naturally occur, but still kinda true?

11:21 AM #
It's ok to make up your own facts to get out of pesky personal responsibilities, you guys.

11:43 AM #
Spent most of the day designin' my own 'tato chip flave for Lay's. America needs this. Such a home run, you guys. https://t.co/uiPiDaMVFr

11:49 AM #
Think I might really win the Lay's contest. Gonna get a Camaro with a "TATOCHP" license plate. Be so boss. Never work again. Man.

08:03 PM #
Please God let me get enough votes to buy a Camaro and live at Chili's forever. https://t.co/uiPiDaMVFr