Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Jul 04 2017

10:45 AM #
Happy Quattro USA to ya, you guys.

10:46 AM #
Feel like I could drink a thousand beers for the USA right now, you guys.

10:52 AM #
Throwin' a mega bash. Invited some babes from Meijer. Coot's even comin' by with REAL m-1000s! Gonna rock the 'partment 'plex SO hard.

10:55 AM #
Babes, booze, and blowin' up stuff. Ain't that America. You and me.

11:43 AM #
Whoa. The Meijer babes showed up. Must be lonely and ready to get consensual. Grocery store babes party SO hard. Gonna put on extra 'logne.

11:46 AM #
Coot rolled in and took a whizz off the balcony first thing. The john was open ten feet away! Jeez.

11:48 AM #
Can't just whip out your peener and whizz in front of babes you just met. Gotta get to know 'em first. Show some class. C'mon.

12:33 PM #
Coot could only get m-80s. Said, "We can tape 'em together, A-Team style. Love it when a f*ckin' plan comes to-f*ckin'-gether."

12:36 PM #
Coot wants to play a game called, "Fist 'Cracker." One on one, see who can fist a lit m-80 longest. Kinda concerning?

12:39 PM #
Told Dave to play "Fist 'Cracker" first. I only got one good arm. Plus, it'll keep his stink away from the babes that only crave MY touch.

12:43 PM #
If a drunk yuck pal is stinkin' it up with babes, a good friend sends him off to do somethin' dangerous so he kinda looks cool, you guys.

04:45 PM #
Oh no. No no no.

04:47 PM #
Dave blew some fingers off playin', "Fist 'Cracker." Lotta blood. So much blood. Unbueno.

04:49 PM #
I was makin' time with Misty from Meijer! Now I gotta deal with Dave's blown up mitt?! Dave's so selfish.

04:52 PM #
Dave said, "At least it was my left, not my Stroker." Think he's in shock. Also, "My Stroker?" Yuck.

04:58 PM #
Dave's got a JPP situaish on his hand. Can't take him to the ER. It's MY holiday! Coot's callin' up a friend with some special medicaish.

05:04 PM #
Puttin' Dave and his blown up hand in the tub with some ice. Might score with that babe. It's understandable. Gotta respect the ladies. USA.

05:06 PM #
Took Dave's phone away from him. Wants to call an ambulance. Those RUIN a party. Told him to hang tight. Meds are comin' pronto.

05:09 PM #
This is AMERICA. These colors don't stop rockin' just 'cause someone blew a few fingers off with 4th of July party favors, you guys.