Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat Jul 08 2017

11:38 AM #
Really hurtin'. Slammin' patch-em-up domestos. Ridin' the lightning.

11:41 AM #
Guess Dave shouldn't be drinkin' on his pills. Not like I had to twist his stumpy arm. Or make him whizz his sweatpants at 'Bee's.

11:44 AM #
Showed a babe Dave's blown up hand. Said, "Gross." Guess she saw his pee pants. Otherwise it woulda been ON 'til the bricka bricka.

11:47 AM #
When you gotta drag your pee pants roomie Dave outta 'Bee's like a wet mop, you're not gettin' any babes' basements damp, you guys.

12:33 PM #
Dave just wet crapped the couch! Oh my god oh my god! Couch is soaked with stink juice!

12:35 PM #
Draggin' couch outside to set on fire. Have no choice.

01:08 PM #
Neighbor is pretty steamed. Burning couch melted the bumper off his Pontiac Sunfire. It was a '96! Did him a favor.

01:11 PM #
If you burn a couch in your parking spot and the car next to you melts, it's THEY'RE problem. Pretty sure the law says that, you guys.