Twitter Fiction Reader

Heckler4Truth - Sat Sep 10 2011

06:42 PM #
Then I took a nice luxurious breath and gave over to the cosmos. As usual, inspiration came from Nowhere -- or rather, from the collective

06:44 PM #
net of consciousness that connects all, a kind of Everywhere, but that strikes me as greedy so I prefer to call it Nowhere. More economical.

06:45 PM #
Without a nanosecond of thought, I started...SINGING. (I know!) Singing a nonsense song on loan from Nowhere, a vaguely ska-like ditty

06:45 PM #
whose lyrics only occasionally touched down to Earth as we know it:

06:46 PM #
"BIG CHICKEN LICKIN' ANGRY PURPLE PLUMBER MAN HE PUT ALL DE MARBLES IN DE NEIGHBOR'S GARBAGE CAN..."

06:47 PM #
...My obscurantism managed to have the effect that nonsense often does: it made me seem more profound.

06:48 PM #
"ALL DE CHICKEN LICKIN' SOLDIERS THEY BE PLUMBIN' ON DE BEAT COME TO SPILL THEIR MAY-O-NAISSE ALL OVER ON DE STREET"

06:49 PM #
...a word salad that meant nothing, of course. But then to my surprise, I started... dancing! Despite the fact that I've held my body as

06:50 PM #
stiff as a board for my entire life (even as a baby, Mom says), well -- I was well and truly shaking my groove thang.

06:51 PM #
"WANTS DE KETCHUP AND DE MUSTARD JOIN HIS MAY-O-NAISSE-Y WORLD [shuffle wiggle spin]..."

06:52 PM #
"SPREAD HIS PURPLE PLUMBING WAYS TO CHICKEN LICKIN' BOYS AND GIRLS [spin jump jazzhands wiggle twirl]."

06:53 PM #
...Somehow this was the right mix: an apparent insult to Mr. Angry, and yet the purest of baloney, really.

06:55 PM #
Mr. Angry didn't know how to play this. He grew apoplectic, and before long started yelling at me "You shut your heathen mouth!"

06:56 PM #
This just loosened me up, somehow. I sang louder and wiggled my keister with abandon in a way that I daresay approached -- well, sexiness.

06:56 PM #
(It was not lost on me that the camera was now pointed MY way.)