04:51 AM #
3:40 AM. Brooding on yesterday's events. Trying not to make a triumph into an occasion for self-loathing.
04:53 AM #
...But I would welcome a distraction right now. Tempted to knock on Blinky's door and ask for a cup of arsenic (or whatever).
01:01 PM #
A reflection on yesterday:
01:02 PM #
I confess, I left the scene feeling heroic. But later I got depressed when I analyzed the day. Why was the crowd so... malleable?
01:03 PM #
First they seemed captured by Mr. Angry, then by the Rev. Casual-Neat, then by Angry again, then by me. Like a crowd at a roller derby.
01:04 PM #
It's alarming that allegiances shift so rapidly, depending on who, ostensibly, is "winning."
01:05 PM #
That was my very goal -- to WIN these encounters -- yet I can't help feeling that my theories of Direct Transfer and Geometric Progression
01:06 PM #
might be faulty. Perhaps I should record them here, for posterity's sake...
01:07 PM #
My theory of Direct Transfer is based on the ancient gurus, who could actually transmit their consciousness to their followers.
01:09 PM #
...no middlemen, no managers, no interlopers with a self-interested agenda. DIRECT.
01:10 PM #
If I can apply that notion, if I am able to generate enough spirit in a live crowd, and change a critical atmospheric mass around me when
01:11 PM #
speaking back to poisonous words, then I can affect others. INfect them, actually -- in a benign way of course.
01:12 PM #
This leads to my related theory, of Geometric Progression: from here, others will be inspired and Transfer Directly in the same fashion.
01:14 PM #
So with my one unwavering voice I can start a pandemic of full-throated courage, of spell-breaking optimism, let loose out into the world!
03:22 PM #
Because people have lost their voices.
03:23 PM #
And I don't just mean that metaphorically, I mean PHYSICALLY. Our vocal cords have atrophied from lack of use. Devolution!
03:24 PM #
One hundred years ago people used to sing around the piano together at night -- just belting it out, from the breadbasket, on-key or off
03:25 PM #
didn't matter. They just... sang! Now we talk in low croaks, whispering apologetically. Resenting it.
03:26 PM #
In those rare moments of justifiable outrage, when we can no longer physically contain the vibrations within, these brief moments when we
03:27 PM #
allow ourselves to open our mouths and just LET IT RIP, well, our own voices startle us!
03:29 PM #
We immediately get scared by our own natural authority, and the responsibility that implies, and our voices start constricting into a
03:30 PM #
shaky petulance, often accompanied by a flip of the middle finger.
03:31 PM #
This experience makes us eager to retreat further, back into anonymity, thinking:
03:33 PM #
"CAN'T SOMEONE ON TELEVISION SAY THIS FOR ME?"