Twitter Fiction Reader

wausauloner - Tue Jul 26 2011

06:33 AM #
I'm heading out to meet up with The Farm Colonies' "LumberJacks." We're going to start clearing storm-downed trees on the other side of I39.

06:36 AM #
There are definitely fewer zombies in that area, thanks to many weeks of continuous zombie-clearing operations by the seek-&-destroy teams.

06:39 AM #
Starting out in a safer area will help us work out any bugs in our plan. We know we'll be attracting zombies so we'll have to work fast.

07:13 AM #
We're heading to the first tree. We'll drive in, head-shot any zombies we see (noise doesn’t matter today!), then get out the chainsaws.

07:16 AM #
The "Lumberjacks" will quickly make a few strategic chainsaw cuts in the downed trees. Then we'll drag a few sections away with the trucks.

08:01 AM #
The first tree has been cleared. The few zombies that came along were picked off with headshots before they could get close.

08:04 AM #
We're heading to the second downed tree. The Lumberjacks will cut it up as fast as they can as there are more zombies in that neighborhood.

08:07 AM #
I'd forgotten how loud a crew with chainsaws can be. Fortunately, we have a 360-degree escort of guards on watch while they work. #zombies

10:15 AM #
We've cleared out 3 more streets blocked by storm-downed trees (and shot up dozens of zombies). These guys are FAST with chainsaws.

10:18 AM #
We're taking a break for lunch right now. The topic of conversation: Why fighting zombies with chainsaws is a bad idea. #zompocalypse

10:41 AM #
Chainsaws are good at cutting things if you can put consistent pressure on them, but that's hard to do on a zombie.

10:44 AM #
Zombies aren't stationary targets, like trees are, and getting the chainsaw blade up to the head and neck area would be awkward anyway.

10:47 AM #
Sure, the chainsaw would do horrendous surface damage to a zombie's head, face, or neck, but unless pressure could be applied, it'd skip off

10:50 AM #
If you were up close and putting good pressure on a zombie's neck with a chainsaw, you're also within grabbing and biting distance of it.

11:05 AM #
Back to work. It's time to stop fantasizing about taking these chainsaws to the zombies and stick with what works. #zompocalypse

03:30 PM #
Well, that was HARD work. We cleared away 15 storm-downed trees and took out over 50 zombies. Travel around Wausau will be safer for us now.